Not so bad...

Good to get back into my routine, but yesterday and today I feel so sluggish ... just not myself.  I don't feel sick, but not quite right.   Hubby sick, grandkids in town sick, daughter in town sick...hope I am not fighting a bug.

Still dealing with some emotional issues, and feel a bit betrayed by some people, but leaning towards those who lift me up.

Hanging tough!

Whew...and more....

Gosh.  I lost a pound, didn't gain after my trip!   I can't be happier about that one pound!   Down 36.

I am struggling this week with self worth.  This seems to happen when I most need affirmation from my closest family and feel that I don't get it.   Regardless, I got affirmation on my trip that was priceless, not only for my weight loss, but as a person.  It was genuine love.   I need to hold that close.

I think I just expect too much.  I want so badly to be close to my sisters.  But everytime I try, they seem to think it is neediness or moodiness.  Never any understanding or just listening.   I guess I need to not expect anything, especially trust.  I know there is talk behind my back.  I reached out and got pretty much shut down.   And the one I reached out to, I know talked to others.  Why?  Absolutely never any empathy or trust.   I need to give it up.  And quit letting it hurt.   Stop feeling like I will never measure up.    Love myself.  Why do I seem to seek this out and keep getting hurt?  I try to be there for them.  Maybe I don't do enough.

I guess I just needed to pour my heart out today.  I should be happy and proud of me.  Yet, these feelings creep up on me.

So, to myself---get a grip!! 

Four Days Away from home...

We went to Denver last Thursday and came home Sunday, so lots of differences in eating and fitness.  I did walk 4 miles every day at a good pace (Except Sunday, as we just got up, around and ready to come home...).   However, I did really miss my classes!  I must be getting addicted....

I had a couple days where I went over calories.   I am ok when I look at the weekly progress, but those 2 days may be BAD for my weigh-in today...

As you can see, I have a day that my blue line goes into my green.  I didn't want to ever see that.  And, another that is right there.  Ugh.  But, it's ok, just keep on going.....

Here is the weekly view, which is what the tell you to use (not daily):

 

Regardless of my weigh in later today, the weekend was great...got to see Garth Brooks (and Trisha Yearwood) in concert, see loads of family, and get away from the norm and problems for a bit.   Who doesn't benefit from that?   :-)

I'll post later, but I know I can still reach my goal by Easter,  I sure hope so anyway!  

I can, and I will...

I have been doing ok for the most part.  I've been really fighting off an urge of wanting a donut or something the past 2 days.   I do eat treats, don't get me wrong, just have been trying extra hard this week to get down a couple more pounds.  I am now down 32 pounds as of last Monday (March 2).  My goal for 40 pounds by Easter COULD be doable.  But it's coming up very soon.   It only gives me 3 weeks, but that is enough time, but hard if I  lose 0-2 pounds per week.  Of course, I weigh Monday, so if I lose then, I still have about 3 weeks after that...

I have started a new exercise class-Boot Camp.  The instructor has been encouraging me to try it.  It's a challenge, but I love it.   My favorites are Toning with Tawny and Boot Camp.  I am also still enjoying PiYO and Zumba.   I had someone mention I may be overdoing but I have slowly added things a bit here and there since October, starting with just personal training, adding in a class or 2 here and there in January, adding another in February, and just now adding Boot Camp.   My goal is to do something each early morning-alternating PiYO and Run/Walk  (haven't got that completely done yet) and then keep my 1.5-2 hours per evening ... I don't do anything in the evenings on Fridays as that is kind of a  standing date out with friends.   Then, to do at least a run/walk on the weekends as well as doing a few weights or floor exercises.   It is what is working for me and I think I'm doing fine.   I have had 2 days since October where I went over my calories, so I feel I am doing ok with that.  I know I could eat  less or healthier a lot of times, but my ultimate goal is changing my lifestyle and not doing anything I cannot live with.

I am finding it hard but learning how to just say thank you when someone compliments me instead of "thanks, but I have so far to go".  I don't need to say that.   It's just hard.  


Differentials from 2/23 through yesterday:

I am seeing an increase over time in the green part of the graph, which is exercise.   The orange is metabolic rate, and the blue line is calories consumed.   See, there is always at least 1-2 days when I do considerably less.   

I do wish it would just fall off quickly, and when I read about some new coffee that someone is drinking that made them lose 4 pounds in one week, I am tempted.   But then I stop and realize that I am doing what I need to do and in a way I need to do it.   I have a lot of support with a few friends and Tawny (what would I do without her), other instructors, and some family.   Most of all, I have ME. 

Thanking God today for the courage and willpower to stick with this.

Dangit Update

So, I did gain a pound back..so back to having lost 30.   I really don't think it was the piece of pie with 2 TBS of ice cream.   I honestly do think it was the 2 cups of "detox salad" I ate for late lunch.  It was tasty, but not detoxing so far!  I think all that broccoli, cauliflower, other veggies, rasins and craisins are just sitting in a lump in my stomach!  Guess I'll have to see how it goes.  Tawny said we should weigh again on Wednesday and see if that was it!   :-)   Let's hope!   Did our personal training yesterday, and it was awesome.  Then, I got to PiYo early, so I walked on the treadmill for 22 minutes before PiYo.  I had to leave class at 7:05 to meet a friend at the movie, so I missed the end, but class was great!  

Just taking it one day at a time...still wanting to add something early morning, but can't see to get up the energy and haven't been sleeping the best....so need to get that going.

:-)