Whew...and more....

Gosh.  I lost a pound, didn't gain after my trip!   I can't be happier about that one pound!   Down 36.

I am struggling this week with self worth.  This seems to happen when I most need affirmation from my closest family and feel that I don't get it.   Regardless, I got affirmation on my trip that was priceless, not only for my weight loss, but as a person.  It was genuine love.   I need to hold that close.

I think I just expect too much.  I want so badly to be close to my sisters.  But everytime I try, they seem to think it is neediness or moodiness.  Never any understanding or just listening.   I guess I need to not expect anything, especially trust.  I know there is talk behind my back.  I reached out and got pretty much shut down.   And the one I reached out to, I know talked to others.  Why?  Absolutely never any empathy or trust.   I need to give it up.  And quit letting it hurt.   Stop feeling like I will never measure up.    Love myself.  Why do I seem to seek this out and keep getting hurt?  I try to be there for them.  Maybe I don't do enough.

I guess I just needed to pour my heart out today.  I should be happy and proud of me.  Yet, these feelings creep up on me.

So, to myself---get a grip!!